Growing up, that was me. Not so cute, hey? I was a kid who never brushed her hair, showered maybe once a week, came to school in the same clothes as I wore the day before, bushy eyebrows, and nerd glasses. I wish I could have showed you how bad it truly was. I burned the evidence. This is probably the worst picture I have left, and it is in my kindergarten yearbook. The reason I am showing you this is because we all feel like we are in a position where we cannot change and feel stuck at one point. Little did I know, it did not take much effort to change from that to who I am now...
Unfortunately, I got caught up in it all. I have been trying so hard to bury my past, and I still am, I am forgetting to make these days count, and am still paying the price of beauty. Once I started I felt like I could not stop. It went from brushing my hair, showering daily, and changing my clothes, to buying fifty dollar shampoo and conditioner to make my hair shinier, healthier, and softer. That is not even the crazy part. I went from not caring to what people think, to only relying on other people's opinions. Getting away from that is quite hard. It made me very insecure and I am trying as hard as I can to do what I do for me, not for anyone else. I have done the unthinkable for beauty. I currently wear fifty dollar foundation, that works just the same as the eight dollar ones at the drugstore. At the time, I though waxing was the most dramatic thing I could have done. Now I have had broad band light treatment, microdermabrasion, and even laser hair removal. Aside from the microdermabrasion, all of which are extremely painful. Beauty is like an addiction that I cannot get away from. Now, instead of doing it for others, I am doing it for me. I am exercising vigorously, and eating healthy for my own well being. Although, continuing to wear contacts may seem like it is for others, it is a personal self-esteem item for me. I spent so much time trying to fit in, that I almost ended up losing myself. If I be someone else, who is going to be me? I spent so much time wishing I could be someone else or be more like them that I actually tried. Extensions were bought, and as were clothes that were nearly identical. Now that that phase is thankfully over, I have time to be myself. Although I absolutely hate my bushy eyebrows, bushy is back in style, but not as bushy as mine were. Which is why I am growing mine back, only slightly. It saves me a little bit of pain from waxing and plucking. Going back to being myself I have never felt so at peace and happy with myself. I am no longer spending every waking minute wishing I was someone else, I am now spending every minute thankful for who I am and what God blessed me with. I only wish I could have realized this earlier. Everything does truly happen for a reason. That phase made me realize the importance of personal hygiene and fitness. I went from being that gross girl that people could not get away from fast enough, to the one who turns heads. While trying to become someone else, I created myself. I know that sounds weird but that is how it happened. I have also come around to be less judgmental of people. I honestly saw people who was not classified as the high school status of "pretty" and I judged them on the spot. Who am I to judge with a past like that, and I am not perfect myself. I have come to realize that before I better make sure I am perfect before I point out other's flaws. No one is perfect. Some may be close, but I am far from it. I have a lot of work to do both on the inside and out. Now, I try to focus on the greatness of a person, rather than the flaws and it has helped me to see the world differently. Who am I to judge someone I do not even know?
I spent so much time trying to cover up my past that it took me until now to show people how far I have come. That is something I should truly be proud of and thankful for. I hope my story lets you know that our past does not define us, or our future. It is not something that can just be covered up. It is something that should be exposed for the world to see and hear to prove to them how far you have come and how much of a better person you are now because of it. No one can be you, except yourself.
-Samantha
